508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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