he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
