My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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