My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
