This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Let's get the cat blown out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize