pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
