also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
