Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
