Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize