You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
