My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
