tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
