Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
