Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
