I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
