I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
