Your face is a jimmy john
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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