I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
