dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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