so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
