I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He shit in the fireplace
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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