I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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