I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
