I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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