Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
