I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He did a backflip because drugs
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