I want to walk on stilts...naked
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
