Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
