I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
