i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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