I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize