he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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