you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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