I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
