Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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