how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
