Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
