Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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