I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
