you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
