i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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