I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Say something about gay babies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize