First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
