So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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