i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
