Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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