You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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