Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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