I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
