I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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