Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
