How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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