I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love how my cats smell like pot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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