That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm like, not good at living.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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