So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
