I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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