so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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