I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
