it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
