A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We talked him into tasing himself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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