I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I did not marry a roomba.
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