My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
