I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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