NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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