i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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