I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
