Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
