Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
