you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
