I heard we made out
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
