I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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