oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
