I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
