alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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