can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
