Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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