you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
