The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize