ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
