If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
