Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
