Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
