Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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