pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
