I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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