try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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