i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
