she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
