they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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