Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
