Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
