I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
