he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
