Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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