Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
