I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
