Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
