hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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