Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
