nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
