Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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