Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You smell like a Billy Joel song
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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