it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
