so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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