Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
