big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
