She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize